Chase your dreams as they can come true!

 Its been a while - 10 months since my last blog with several reasons for that.

2024 catch up

My year started out great, I was enjoying playing with techniques that were new to me, I created my first ever tutorial and gave a presentation on Camversation ( despite body wide cramps through parts of the presentation). Both of these achievements were huge to me, I'm no public speaker and with cognitive and memory issues, both took a lot of forward planning and slow preparation work, but Im really glad that I pushed my boundries to do these.

As many  of my regular blog post readers know I have M.E and photography is one of my main passions that really helps to distract me and gives me a positive focus whilst navigating the journey with a chronic health issue. Last year various things happened that resulted in me moving more into the severe bracket of M.E.. For a period of time my body would not tolerate being sat up for more than a few hours, all of my symptoms were more severe, I felt comletely knocked off my feet following concussion, having to crawl up stairs in stages for part of this period. I felt like I had to relearn how to walk following this and it has taken me months to get my mobility to even half of what it was a year ago, but I'm slowly getting there.  I was experiencing cramps all over my body, alongside other symptoms which lead to a neurology appointment to rule out other diagnosis. I was also dealing with some complex trauma related issues and associated complex grief, which did lead to some depression. So not surprisingly my capacity to create photos diminished massively, as did my motivation. However, I have been slowly working on my health in the tiniest increments - as is the wisest way forward with M.E. I have dealt with the depression, and trauma/grief. I have discovered some brain retraining  methods /advice which is really helping me make progress in my recovery journey and I am looking forward to further progress this year. 

I wanted to add the above to give more of a back story to what comes next, as I want to share that despite whatever set backs we might experience in life, there are ways forward,  often there are ways to adapt although this can all take time - many years in my case. Sometimes we just need to reframe our future and find new dreams. 

Photography Dreams

 As many of you know, I have been entering photography competitions for a good 15 years or so, starting with camera clubs and moving on to a couple of the larger photographic societies. I was lucky enough to do well in some, having been nominated as finalist several years, winning Plant and fungi photographer of the year with the SWPP and winning photographer of the year for 3 years with the NPS and a few awards with IGPOTY. Entering competitions just gives me a creative purpose and focus for my photography, pushing me to try new things. 

 I wanted and needed a bit of a change so I joined the Guild of photographers who appeared to have a different approach to their awards, by celebrating not only the best images but also those photographers who are consistently putting out high standard photos. I joined the Guild last January and very quickly found  myself in a couple of buddy groups where we help each other with critiques, image choice and more. Wanting to make the most of my membership and try to learn more, I joined in on the numerous image critique webinars which I found incredibly valuable. The judges very openly offering advice and so generous with information to help us all to learn and improve, I have learned a lot from these and I am grateful to the judges as well as the Guild for these opportunities to learn. The Guild has an award called the photographers bar which is awarded for consistently producing high quality images in 8 out of the 10 months of entering, I decided to aim for trying to achieve one or more. They allow images that are up to two years old, so I had the previous years images  to dip into.

 This last year I started out well, producing images regularly and attempting to develop creatively too. I was thrilled that some of my images were well received and happy that I was progressing, even  recieving gold awards.  But as the year went on my health started getting worse, I wasn't managing to get out much so could not produce the nature or landscape images I had hoped to, in my aim to achieve a photographers bar across 4 categories, luckily I had a few images taken the previous year. Unfortunately my body was even reacting badly to the inks and paints I used whilst trying to create my submerged flower photos too - due to multiple chemical sensitivity ( another symptom of M.E). But over the last few months I have managed to rebuild some stamina at a snails pace, but only occasionally take photos. So I have not been able to produce the images that I had planned. I dipped into more images taken over the last 2 years in a bid to try to scrape together enough scoring images to gain the required points for my 4 bars, accepting that I might manage 1 or 2 bars, but probably not the 4 I had originally hoped for. I even took photos from my bed and sofa with my camera laid on my knees in a bid to produce something new and a bit different - one of these miraculously scored a gold with the SWPP! but not with the Guild 

One of my ICM images taken sat on the sofa - simple rainbow coloured ribbon

Fast forward to the end of 2024 and it looked like I had just about scraped together enough points for the photographers bars, but I still was unsure from being so new to the guild with the various requirements and rules. I was absolutely thrilled to have images shortlisted in several categories although a tad perplexed by the categories my images were placed in, such as my pet frog in nature. As my health had improved enough to walk about at home  and I had coped with a night out with a friend, I decided I would book up to go to my first ever awards night and hopefully collect  photography bars, knowing the chances were that it could cause a further health set back and crash, this is something Ive wanted to do for 15 years, so I decided to just push through and accept any health consequences. I knew that I would struggle to converse due to cognitive issues and brain fog, but most people are understanding when this is explained. Nevertheless it was a daunting prospect for me, given that I had only managed 2 evenings out in 2024. My confidence in 2024 had reached an all time low, with depression and actually believing that I was hated and I was not actually liked by anyone  ( this stems from actual hatred and nastiness from certain people which of course depression, anxiety, grief and trauma can amplify in our minds) - of course none of this is actually true. Its ridiculous how the actions of a couple of people can affect us, and I am pleased to say that I am totally over this. I have included it though because I know many people suffer from mental health problems and they should not be stigmatised and used against people. There can be light at the end of the tunnel. I am also part of two groups of photographers with health challenges and strongly believe in being open about these things rather than hiding them, pretending everything is fine when its not.

 Moving forward again to the awards, I was nervous, I had not met a single person at the event previously. But a couple of things helped - firstly I had chatted to a few online over the years, so I was already looking forward meeting a lot of people such as my buddy group. By practicing brain retraining exercises I had massive positive mindset shifts in January which helped me with confidence and my over sensitive autonomic nervous system. It was a black tie event and I did not have a posh frock , nor the energy or money to get one, so I knew that I would feel  out of place, but I did get my hair done so that I would feel a bit happier. I rested up in the run up to the event and did everything I possibly could to avoid having worsenning symptoms or a crash on the day. I was worried about my legs giving away or body wide cramps,  if I did get to go up on stage, but there are worse things in life. I do not usually shy away from challenges and prefer to actually push myself out of my comfort zone, its good for personal growth.

The Guild awards event is held in Stoke on Trent at a very good fully accessible Hilton hotel, where we booked up to stay. We met a few people there in the afternoon which helped disappate the nerves. Then came the big night, all beautifully set out in a lovely ballroom. Following a reception drink we were all welcomed by our lovely hosts, Steven and Lesley who run the Guild and proceded to enjoy a very nice meal whilst chatting to a few of my buddy group and their partners who were at our table.

Next the awards started, commencing with the photographers bars and a lot of people recieving these, as I got more and more anxious about going up to the stage - no idea why. There were two of us that managed to gain 4 photographers bars this year and I was super proud to collect those. I returned to our table very happy, thinking that was probably my one trip to the stage, thinking I could relax. All of the image of the year categories were next and we all celebrated as some incredible images were displayed on the screen. Next up came the top ten photographers of the year in each category, I ended up getting called up in 4 categories as top ten, then to return to collect the winner of the Open category - I was over the moon, although I could barely get onto the stage by this point - my 6th trip there. 

Next up was photographer of the year for the person with the most points in one category, followed by Overall photographer of the year for the person with the most points over 2 categories. When they announced my friend as runner up I already knew I had a couple of points more and I knew in that moment that I had won. I was shocked and thrilled, tears instantly fell. But I had to get to the stage without my scooter batteries running out, which was the running joke of the night - I was honestly struggling to get up onto the stage, in tears of joy to accept the award and have photos taken.

After that there were some other rather special awards which were a joy to witness, then music followed. Following this we got to mix a bit more and meet so many people that I have wanted to meet over the years, so many passionate, talented creative people which was quite wonderful. 

My overall experience with the Guild of photographers in my first year has been wonderful from start to finish. I truly feel that I have joined a community of like minded, passionate, creative people who help each other to grow and lift each other up. Not only that, but now a new sub group has formed this week - Guild photographers with disabilities which I have joined. This sort of group should be a wonderful safe place to seek advice for those who have various challenges in life.

I am incredibly grateful to a great deal of people involved with the Guild, from Lesley and Steven who run it, Aimee and Carly who are involved with the commincations side of things, the judges for their fantastic webinars and kindness in sharing their expertise, the wider trade partners of One vision, Digitlabs and Cewe who provide beautiful prints and frames each month for IOM winners, the stunning trophy engravers at Classy glass and of course the other members who have encouraged me no end.

I was not intending to enter the competition this year, in all honesty I had pretty much run out of good enough images last year and felt mentally exhausted pushing for 4 bars. But following chatting to a certain fellow member I found myself entering images again, although I am not pushing to chase for 4 bars this time.

I am yet to fully decide on my photography challenges for this year. I want to create images that are from the heart and I want to create images that are magical - now I have to determine just how I want to go about this. I am keen to push myself to create another tutorial and improve on what I created previously, as well as give a couple of presentations. But these will need to wait whilst I concentrate as much as possible on improving my health. If I can do this then I want to find a way that I can help others with/through photography somehow.

Lets see where the year takes me. I hope some of this might inspire or encourage others to follow their dreams too.

Even more good news followed in February. I was lucky enough to have several images placed in Garden photographer of the year, including a portfolio being highly commended which was extra special. 

Abstract category 2nd place, finalist and highly commended

Fungi Hc & commended

Beauty of plants HC

Portfolio Highly commended

B& W 1st

Square crop commended

Im feeling extremely lucky :)

If you would like to watch a short video of me collecting my award, followed by images that got me there here is a link https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S1AodqbHMaQ

Blessed Ostara and submerged flowers

 I am still tinkering away creating submerged floral images and thoroughly enjoying myself. Lots of people have been in touch asking questions, pretty much every day, with numerous requests for a tutorial, despite this being a fairly new thing for me. On looking online, I found very little in the way of resources to help us learn how to create submerged floral photos, so I have decided to create a tutorial which will be available in the coming weeks. I have already created 45 slides for the tutorial and taken a few video clips which I am in the process of learning how to put together for a presentation. I have managed to create very simple videos and have started a Youtube channel which I will be adding to as and when I can manage. 

My first mini videos are on there now. This mini video accompanies theis blog as it shows me creating submerged flower photos for Ostara 

Ostara Submerged flowers video

Today is Ostara - Blessed Ostara everyone

These images were photographed specifically for Ostara, which is a pagan celebration of the start of Spring, my images here celebrate Ostara, with the promise of new life, new blooms and warmer days to come. Daffodils are often associated with this festival and here they are depicted coming out of the darkness of winter and into Spring, a time promising the warmth of sunshine, new life and abundance. I created a set using a nest with eggs and spring flowers frm my garden, plus some deceased butterflies that I had as photography props. These are all elements associated with Ostara
I used the colours associated with this celebration, green, yellow and white for this series.

This is just a quick blog today as all my energy is going into trying to produce the tutorial. Wishing you all a wonderful spring time 

Here are a few new Crocus images that I took last month, the only time I have managed to get out to do some photography in a few months - it was bliss. Taken in a local park, I barely had to move more than 50ft in all to get these images. Its a gorgeous spot in Richardson Dees park, fully accessible and easy to get around on a mobility scooter.

Once I am finished producing my tutorial I will be back to creating more submerged images of spring flowers, many with folklore connections. 

 

A new project for the New Year

 I love to start each year with  a focus on my photography aims for the year ahead, with renewed enthusiasms, new ideas and goals to improve  in a genre or two. Last year I focused mostly on focus stacking, close up for fungi and flowers as well as super close for insects which were mainly in studio. It was a good choice for me and I certainly learned lots, I will continue practicing focus stacking to hone my skills. Last years efforts certainly paid off as it helped me to win the U.K. round of the EISA Animal kingdom portfolio competition, and come 2nd internationally. I have also been nominated for SWPP photographer of the year with 4 macro images in the macro, botanical and illustrative categories, but did not win a category. 

This year I want to concentrate on something completely different. I want to express emotions and explore the circle of life through a portfolio of plant images photographed in a way that I had never tried before this year. A few months ago I noticed some wonderful images by a photographer called Robert Peek who photographs plants underwater with milk/ink/paint, it was a look and technique that intrigued me so I decided to give it a try at the stat of the year. Turns out that I love everything about photographing plants underwater, adding in different mediums. Its a more versatille technique than I first thought and within days I was testing out a few types of milk, different inks and paints using a range of lighting styles and shutter speeds. For 2 weeks I have tried to spend a little time each day on this project - even if its just 20 minutes,  as everything stays permanently set up, its fairly low energy, meaning I can do this most days for short spells. I have used that time to get used to how the mediums, plants, lighting and modifiers all meld together whilst looking ahead with plans of what I want to depict.

This has been a good time to start such a project as I have hardly made it out since November due to my health problems. Only managing to get out to take photos once in 3 months. I feel lucky to have an interest which I can pursue at home, which I have adaped around what I can manage.

I have created some images that fit what I was after, evoking some emotions. One particular image feels like the first one to truly fit one set of  emotions that I wanted to portray. It is a very personal image depicting grief - which has affected my partner and I twice in the last year. Below is an incredibly personal description of just how this image portrays my own recent, personal experience of a very complicated grief for a family member who I was estranged from ( my choice). 

 This specific image portrays mourning in relation to a particular person, the inside of the tank relates to inside myself /my mind - it felt dark and trapped, the petals are bruised and trapped up against the edges, unable to break out. This describes how  I was unable to openly be myself nor able to express myself properly for a time, it also stands for communication difficulties on many levels and for many reasons. That invisible glass stands for the wall that I put up when I walked away, but also the walls erected by others.

 The yellow flowers remind me of this person and on the day they passed away I picked yellow flowers from our garden which also reminded me of her and I took my first steps on a beach in many years, along with my daughter on the day we discovered she had passed on,  to walk to the sea's edge within a beautiful serene bay at sunset, where we got down  low and set the flowers upon the waters surface, saying a few words of farewell.   The choice of yellow partially shows  some of this persons sunnier side of their nature - I see yellow when I imagine their smile - no you were never a green person in my eyes, yellow was more you than green to me. But yellow also stands for betrayal, and illness which were a large part of the mix - not that I am saying that this person betrayed me, nor I her, but there were elements that without a doubt cast their shadow on both of us. 

  So often in the U.K. we grieve quietly at home, away from the sight of others which is why I added the single "tear" that is very much on the outside of the scene. 

 The "threads" formed by the acrylic ink seeping into the water convey reaching out to others, but are kind of cut off  - this indicates communication issues on several sides, from misunderstandings and cognitive and other difficulties brought about by more than one persons illness. Then the lower mass of ink is in deep turmoil, and hurt - this depicts the pain and confusion but as it sinks to the bottom it also depicts letting go of the grief as I realise that I walked away for my own good reasons all those years ago. The colours, light and darkness are deliberate. 

There is a follow on image, which to me feels like hope, peace and letting go. For me this image represents certain people

By the end of January I felt I had a better feel for how to create images of submerged flowers in my own way. I was ready to add more meaning to what I wanted to create. I have been spending a lot of time reading about the history, medicinal uses, meanings of and folklore of plants. My plan was to create images that would depict some of the story/folklore/meanings behind each plant where possible. For instance Blackthorn has been connected to witches, magic, paganism, folklore, warfare and death, but also strength through adversity - you can read about Blackthorn in these links 

Blackthorn 1  

Blackthorn 2

Blackthorn 3

After reading all about Blackthorn I wanted to create images with drama, impact, adding black and red inks for the darker aspects, red for the blood of warfare. I created enough movement within the tank to add to the feeling that I aimed to depict. 

Another example is my attempt to portray Irises according to one of their legends. Aparently they are named after a Greek Goddess Iris who was supposed to deliver messages between humans and gods, going between then using rainbows. So for some images I played around with attempting ( not so successfully) at adding rainbow colours with a sky backdrop. I did not quite manage what I set out to do, but will try again some time, its not easy adding 7 colours at once, strategically placing them along the flower, without messing up the whole scene. I also played around with producing a sky backdrop and yellow melting off the petals for other images. But my first image just had to show off the simple beauty of the Iris without any milk or inks.

Iris legends

For the last image above I digitally altered the colours coming off the petals to get what I wanted.

Another example of tying folklore to flowers is with Snowdrops. In a Romanian legend Snowdrops represent pure love for Spring. Legend has it that the suns rays reached down in the form of a girl named Spring, to chase away Winter. Winter planned to capture Spring, and hide her in his castle so they could continue their reign. People noticed Spring had not arrived and found a hero to save Spring from Winters clutches. The hero battled with Winter, setting Spring free, but as Spring was freed, she kissed her hero, distracting him, enabling Winter to kill him. It is said that his blood fell to the ground. and melted the snow, from which Snowdrops flourished. Snowdrop folkore

I deliberately used a green backdrop to signify emerging Spring, White ink for purity and hope, plus red to signify the blood in the legend. Can you see the heart that formed fleetingly in the red ink - I did not photoshop this, it actually happenned, how strange that it occured in this set out of all the submerged sets Ive done. In another image I used white and red ribbon/wool tied around snowdrops, as this is another aspect linked to folklore and tradition - look up Martisor day.

Not every image is linked to folklore, tradition, or history etc Some I have simply employed colours and techniques which I felt suited the plant, Ironically one such image is of dried Hydrangea that I had at home, after it was shot I realised how much this image reminded me of an otherworldly tree of life, almost as if I had subconciously been trying to create one. This is amongst my favourite images so far. 

Another favourite set is of Carnations which just seemed to come together nicely. It was very much an experiment, where I used milk, inks, paint and even beetroot juice. I was absolutely thrilled that one of these won a gold award from the SWPP in January, for In camera artistry. 

Carnationations are known as the flowers of the Gods and are associated with devotion, fascination, distinction and love. Red Carnations generally represent affections, whilst white symbolise love and purity.
 I have chosen Red, white and pink ink for this set of images to symbolise what these flowers stand for. Plus some with purple.
White for purity, dininty and good luck, red for affection and love, pink for unconditional love and purple for devotion in some

I have been asked so many times to produce a video of how I am creating these images, but at present I just cant manage to do that. Creating the images is as much as I can manage, a couple of days a week, that takes all my energy. I am slowly putting together a talk which I will be doing for Camversation at the end of May and it is my intention to cover this project and a good bit about how I achieve my results then. The talk will be recorded by Camversation, so that anyone can purchase a ticket and watch it at a later date. I promise to give lots of tips then.

In the meantime, I had no teaching on how to do this myself - so its obviously not too difficult to work out. Just a container of water, secure your flowers in the tank and add your chosen medium - milk/ink/paint/juice etc. There is more to it but Im saving all of that for the presentation and maybe a future blog. Im not being secretive about it as I believe we should all share openly how we achieve things in photography, making it accessible to all, but I am still working on fine tuning things and need to get it all written down and as I have limited energy, this takes me time. So if you want to find out all that I have learned and save yourself a couple of months of experimenting, then tune in to my talk for Camversation in May where I will share everything Ive learned that I can fit in to the allotted time. You can also ask questions afterwards too. For now, I hope these images will wet your appetite

In other news I am delighted to share that my Ethereal Nigella image below was a category winner in the Beauty of plants category of International garden photographer of the year, and Cosmos was commended plus I  had others placed in the fungi category.