Its been a while - 10 months since my last blog with several reasons for that.
2024 catch up
My year started out great, I was enjoying playing with techniques that were new to me, I created my first ever tutorial and gave a presentation on Camversation ( despite body wide cramps through parts of the presentation). Both of these achievements were huge to me, I'm no public speaker and with cognitive and memory issues, both took a lot of forward planning and slow preparation work.
As many of my regular blog post readers know I have M.E and photography is one of my main passions that really helps to distract me and gives me a positive focus whilst navigating the journey with a chronic health issue. Last year various things happened that resulted in me moving more into the severe bracket of M.E.. For a period of time my body would not tolerate being sat up for more than a few hours, all of my symptoms were more severe, I felt comletely knocked off my feet following concussion, having to crawl up stairs in stages for part of this period. I felt like I had to relearn how to walk following this and it has taken me months to get my mobility to even half of what it was a year ago, but I'm slowly getting there. I was experiencing cramps all over my body, alongside other symptoms which lead to a neurology appointment to rule out other diagnosis. I was also dealing with some complex trauma related issues and associated complex grief, which did lead to some depression. So not surprisingly my capacity to create photos diminished massively, as did my motivation. However, I have been slowly working on my health in the tiniest increments - as is the wisest way forward with M.E. I have dealt with the depression, and trauma/grief. I have discovered some brain retraining methods /advice which is really helping me make progress in my recovery journey and I am looking forward to further progress this year.
I wanted to add the above to give more of a back story to what comes next, as I want to share that despite whatever set backs we might experience in life, there are ways forward, often there are ways to adapt although this can all take time - many years in my case. Sometimes we just need to reframe our future and find new dreams.
Photography Dreams
As many of you know, I have been entering photography competitions for a good 15 years or so, starting with camera clubs and moving on to a couple of the larger photographic societies. I was lucky enough to do well in some, having been nominated as finalist several years, winning Plant and fungi photographer of the year with the SWPP and winning photographer of the year for 3 years with the NPS and a few awards with IGPOTY.
I wanted and needed a bit of a change so I joined the Guild of photographers who appeared to have a different approach to their awards, by celebrating not only the best images but also those photographers who are consistently putting out high standard photos. I joined the Guild last January and very quickly found myself in a couple of buddy groups where we help each other with critiques, image choice and more. Wanting to make the most of my membership and try to learn more, I joined in on the numerous image critique webinars which I found incredibly valuable. The judges very openly offering advice and so generous with information to help us all to learn and improve, I have learned a lot from these and I am grateful to the judges as well as the Guild for these opportunities to learn. The Guild has an award called the photographers bar which is awarded for consistently producing high quality images in 8 out of the 10 months of entering, I decided to aim for trying to achieve one or more. They allow images that are up to two years old, so I had the previous years images to dip into.
This last year I started out well, producing images regularly and attempting to develop creatively too. I was thrilled that some of my images were well received and happy that I was progressing, even recieving gold awards. But as the year went on my health started getting worse, I wasn't managing to get out much so could not produce the nature or landscape images I had hoped to, in my aim to achieve a photographers bar across 4 categories, luckily I had a few images taken the previous year. Unfortunately my body was even reacting badly to the inks and paints I used whilst trying to create my submerged flower photos too - due to multiple chemical sensitivity ( another symptom of M.E). But over the last few months I have managed to rebuild some stamina at a snails pace, but only occasionally take photos. So I have not been able to produce the images that I had planned. I dipped into more images taken over the last 2 years in a bid to try to scrape together enough scoring images to gain the required points for my 4 bars, accepting that I might manage 1 or 2 bars, but probably not the 4 I had originally hoped for. I even took photos from my bed and sofa with my camera laid on my knees in a bid to produce something new and a bit different - one of these miraculously scored a gold with the SWPP! but not with the Guild
Fast forward to the end of 2024 and it looked like I had just about scraped together enough points for the photographers bars, but I still was unsure from being so new to the guild with the various requirements and rules. I was absolutely thrilled to have images shortlisted in several categories although a tad perplexed by the categories my images were placed in, such as my pet frog in nature. As my health had improved enough to walk about at home and I had coped with a night out with a friend, I decided I would book up to go to my first ever awards night and hopefully collect photography bars, knowing the chances were that it could cause a further health set back and crash, this is something Ive wanted to do for 15 years, so I decided to just push through and accept any health consequences. I knew that I would struggle to converse due to cognitive issues and brain fog, but most people are understanding when this is explained. Nevertheless it was a daunting prospect for me, given that I had only managed 2 evenings out in 2024. My confidence in 2024 had reached an all time low, with depression and actually believing that I was hated and I was not actually liked by anyone ( this stems from actual hatred and nastiness from certain people which of course depression, anxiety, grief and trauma can amplify in our minds) - of course none of this is actually true. Its ridiculous how the actions of a couple of people can affect us, and I am pleased to say that I am totally over this. I have included it though because I know many people suffer from mental health problems and they should not be stigmatised and used against people. There can be light at the end of the tunnel.
Moving forward again to the awards, I was nervous, I had not met a single person at the event previously. But a couple of things helped - firstly I had chatted to a few online over the years, so I was already looking forward meeting a lot of people such as my buddy group. By practicing brain retraining exercises I had massive positive mindset shifts in January which helped me with confidence and my over sensitive autonomic nervous system. It was a black tie event and I did not have a posh frock , nor the energy or money to get one, so I knew that I would feel out of place, but I did get my hair done so that I would feel a bit happier. I rested up in the run up to the event and did everything I possibly could to avoid having worsenning symptoms or a crash on the day. I was worried about my legs giving away or body wide cramps, if I did get to go up on stage, but there are worse things in life. I do not usually shy away from challenges and prefer to actually push myself out of my comfort zone, its good for personal growth.
The Guild awards event is held in Stoke on Trent at a very good fully accessible Hilton hotel, where we booked up to stay. We met a few people there in the afternoon which helped disappate the nerves. Then came the big night, all beautifully set out in a lovely ballroom. Following a reception drink were all welcomed by our lovely hosts, Steven and Lesley who run the Guild and proceded to enjoy a very nice meal whilst chatting to a few of my buddy group and their partners who were at our table.
Next the awards started, commencing with the photographers bars and a lot of people recieving these, as I got more and more anxious about going up to the stage - no idea why. There were two of us that managed to gain 4 photographers bars this year and I was super proud to collect those. I returned to our table very happy, thinking that was probably my one trip to the stage, thinking I could relax. All of the image of the year categories were next and we all celebrated as some incredible images were displayed on the screen. Next up came the top ten photographers of the year in each category, I ended up getting called up in 4 categories as top ten, then to return to collect the winner of the Open category - I was over the moon, although I could barely get onto the stage by this point - my ninth trip there.
Next up was photographer of the year for the person with the most points in one category, followed by Overall photographer of the year for the person with the most points over 2 categories. When they announced my friend as runner up I already knew I had a couple of points more and I knew in that moment that I had won. I was shocked and thrilled, tears instantly fell. But I had to get to the stage without my scooter batteries running out, which was the running joke of the night - I was honestly struggling to get up onto the stage, in tears of joy to accept the award and have photos taken.
After that there were some other rather special awards which were a joy to witness then music followed. After this we got to mix a bit more and meet so many people that I have wanted to meet over the years, so many passionate, talented creative people which was quite wonderful.
My overall experience with the Guild of photographers in my first year has been wonderful from start to finish. I truly feel that I have joined a community of like minded, passionate, creative people who help each other to grow and lift each other up. Not only that, but now a new sub group has formed this week - Guild photographers with disabilities which I have joined. This sort of group should be a wonderful safe place to seek advice for those who have various challenges in life.
I am incredibly grateful to a great deal of people involved with the Guild, from Lesley and Steven who run it, Aimee and Carly who are involved with the commincations side of things, the judges for their fantastic webinars and kindness in sharing their expertise, the wider trade partners of One vision, Digitlabs and Cewe who provide beautiful prints and frames each month for IOM winners, the stunning trophy engravers at Classy glass and of course the other members who have encouraged me no end.
I was not intending to enter the competition this year, in all honesty I had pretty much run out of good enough images last year and felt mentally exhausted pushing for 4 bars. But following chatting to a certain fellow member I found myself entering images again, although I am not pushing to chase for 4 bars this time.
I am yet to fully decide on my photography challenges for this year. I want to create images that are from the heart and I want to create images that are magical - now I have to determine just how I want to go about this. I am keen to push myself to create another tutorial and improve on what I created previously, as well as give a couple of presentations. But these will need to wait whilst I concentrate as much as possible on improving my health. If I can do this then I want to find a way that I can help others with/through photography somehow.
Lets see where the year takes me. I hope some of this might inspire or encourage others to follow their dreams too. I do have other good news to follow which I will post about soon :)
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